To All my Sad Captains: My 2014 Detroit Lions Preview

Getty Images North America

Getty Images North America

If, like me, you’ve spent the better part of your life, rooting for a sports team, you realize just how fleeting success can be; especially if you’re a Lions fan. For as long as I can remember, Sunday afternoons in the fall have been riddled with disappointment, mixed with shame and a little angst. At this point, the very sight of the Honolulu Blue and Silver on my TV elicits a certain Pavlovian emotion of anxiety. Of course this begs the question why anyone would choose to root for a team that brings about such grief. My answer is simple, I love football, I love the NFL, and I can’t bring myself to quit the Lions. Besides, misery loves company, and in that regard I have plenty of both as a Lions fan. To put it another way, I look at Sunday NFL football this way:

“Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind . . . and if it’s all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time . . .”

I’m not sure if any lyric could better epitomize just how soul-crushing it is to be a Lions fan.* Most years, spending 3-4 hours watching the Lions is a waste of time. Not just because they lose, but because of how they lose. To make things worse, they seem to be one of those teams that certain members of the sports-industrial complex have designated as a sleeper team this year. Such notions will only make this season’s inevitable descent into mediocrity that much more unbearable. A little salty you say? Sure, but my pessimism is borne out of a lifetime of disappointment as a Lions fan. A little hyperbolic you say? No, not really. Last season the Lions famously controlled their own destiny in the NFC North compiling a 6-3 record. With Aaron Rodgers and Jay Cutler missing significant time due to injury at the same time, a playoff berth seemed inevitable. Wrong. The Lions went on to lose 6 of their last 7; ultimately costing head coach Jim Schwartz his job.

Very little that I’ve seen or heard since then leads me to think this season will be different. To be sure, the Lions have brought in some offensive brainpower with the trio of head coach Jim Caldwell, quarterback coach Jim Bob Cooter, and offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi. Additionally, the Lions have added more offensive weapons by drafting tight end Eric Ebron 10th overall in this year’s draft, and signing free-agent wide receiver Golden Tate. However, they’ve done very little to address the defense, particularly in the back end, which is both thin and short on talent. Indeed, Grantland.com’s Bill Barnwell points out the following:

Detroit benched each of its top four corners at different points last season, and it has brought three of them back. The Lions are actually going to start Rashean Mathis this year. Rashean Mathis! In 2014! On purpose!

Leading up to, and after May’s draft, Lions GM Martin Mayhew seemed to suggest that the defense wasn’t in as much trouble as some thought. Yet, as of this writing, the Lions are trying out 12-time Pro Bowl cornerback/Methuselah Impersonator Champ Bailey. Given that fact, it’s hard to imagine the Lions are honestly feeling secure with second year corner Darius Slay on one side and the 34-year old Rashean Mathis on the other.

Look, it’s not all bad. The front seven is in excellent hands with Ndamukong Suh up front and second year guy Ziggy Ansah coming off the edge. On offense, there are some obvious bright spots with Calvin Johnson and Matt Stafford. But looking at the schedule, no matter how many ways I try, I just can’t see more than 8 wins. So there it is, a prediction; the Lions will go 8-8.

Wins: Giants, Jets, Bills, Vikings (twice), Dolphins, Bears, Bucs

Losses: Panthers, Packers (twice), Saints, Falcons, Cardinals, Pats, and the Bears (away)

Best Case Scenario: We steal one game each from the Pack and the Saints, and then find the Bears without Cutler at the end of the season to go 11-5.

*Originally I had the lyrics from this wonderful Elbow song dedicated to my 2014 Michigan Football preview, but I couldn’t get that done before last Saturday. Needless to say, I had some long weekends last fall.

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